From F1 to TV at 36

I worked at McLaren from 2007 until 2017 (working at Flight Centre for 2 years in between). I was always one who never knew what I wanted to do. I ended up in IT because I wanted to do something with design... but I never knew how or what, so settled on that as I felt I had to go to University. At school, I was told to do something with languages, just because I spoke Japanese. I did a degree in Information Systems & Design. I hated it. I pretended to be a geek for about 15 years...

In 2016, Philip.K.Dick's Electric Dreams was filmed at McLaren and I along with other employees took part as an "Extra". During the tedious amount of standing around, I watched the 1st Assistant Director, not knowing what his role was at the time, but he had the loudest voice and seemed to be controlling everything that was going on.
I researched this role when I got home, out of interest as I had no idea what the hundreds of people on a filmset do. Then I discovered a course aiming to be an Assistant Director being offered at the National Film & Television School.
For years, I'd told myself I was going to quit my job and be a photographer. I didn't. Because I was too scared of uncertainty and having no money. I looked at Psychology. Told myself I was going to do courses and help other people. I didn't.
I applied to the NFTS as soon as I saw the course. Half heartedly, because I knew I wouldn't get in to one of the best film schools in the UK, I was old and I didn't have the money anyway.
Then, I decided to think about it, only a little bit. I went to the interview, still not knowing what I was really doing. I was a successful Project Manager. I liked my job. It was interesting and I enjoyed managing the varied projects I had to work with and seeing them succeed and make a difference.

In July 2017, I got an email, offering me at place on the NFTS Assistant Directing and Floor Managing Course starting in September. I was sat at my desk at McLaren and had no idea what I was going to do about this e-mail.

An hour later, I asked my boss for a chat and handed in my 3 months notice. He was not amused. (I don't know if he remembers, that the previous year he had said to me; "Steph, you need to go and work in film or something and be creative"... I laughed this off not knowing the reality of it was to come.
I'd think about how I'd pay for the course, how I was going to go to school for a year and not be able to work. how I was going to pay bills, how I was going to live, later.
I decided that I want to continue living life without regrets. I knew that if I didn't try this, in a few years time, I would wish that I had. I have lived this way for the past 10 years. The biggest thing for me is not to regret something. I have no regrets. At all.
20 years earlier, I turned down a job which would have led me into the TV industry. But I don't regret it. Because my experiences from that point until now had led me to learn a lot and be who I am today. And prepared me for my new chosen career, which isn't too different to the one that I had, ultimately.
When I was about 14, I was determined to work in TV and Film. But I had no idea how. I tried by doing work experience at Nickelodeon and various other places but without the internet, I could only rely on my letter writing and any family contacts - of which there were none. I kinda gave up at that point...

I can't say it wasn't scary. Walking into school at aged 36. Having to meet new classmates, having no idea about the film industry, having no idea really of what I was actually doing... because I didn't think about it. I just did it.

It turned out to be an awesome experience. I learnt a lot, made new friends, made lots of films and enjoyed every minute of it. I also realised how I seem to want to put myself in situations where I am constantly busy, brain working at a hundred miles an hour, managing multiple situations and people. I guess that's how I work best. In work and in life.

The scariest part was finishing school. What now? How do I get a job?
July 2018, whilst working on our graduation film.... I got a call from a lovely 2nd Assistant Director out of the blue, asking if I was interested in working on a Japanese/English TV show. HELL YES! They'd found my blank film CV on Google and couldn't find many Japanese/English speaking runners. And since then, I've found constant work through contacts (initially made at the NFTS) and have luckily worked on some great shows with amazing cast and crews.

My life now is very different to how it was. I had to start right at the bottom again.
I earn a LOT less than I did, my work is always uncertain and I feel like my every day skills are used to shout "Quiet Please. Rolling" and making tea and coffee. I don't even do that. The machine does it. I got quite good at predicting what drink Helena Bonham Carter would want next though...

BUT, eventually, I hope to work my way up and start using my brain a bit more and continue on the path to becoming a 1st AD.  This is going to take a while...
I've met so many talented and lovely people along the way and I don't regret any of it. I believe you should always follow your dreams. Happiness comes before anything. You only live once. It's taken me a very long time to work out what happiness is. A VERY long time And I still am not 100% sure of what it is, but I'm working on it. :)

Some fun facts from the last couple of years of tea making:

Zach Woods bought me a Melodica because I was too scared to play the piano
Hugh Laurie inspired me to play the piano again
Josh Gad and Jessica St Clair called me a hot Jedi
Aoi Okuyama is an awesome little sister
Andy Buckley is the friendliest/craziest/kindest man I've ever met
Helena BC and I share a love for tiny things and doors
Olivia Colman sent me to choose and buy a chandelier which is now hanging up in her house. 

By the way, the Japanese show I worked on is called Giri/Haji. It's on Netflix. Check it out, its awesome. I made coffee for all of them. :)

P.S: I'm not a director. I don't want to be a director. I will never be a director.  A 1st AD works alongside the Director and the Director of Photography (DoP) to create the filming schedule, and make sure it all goes to plan. I've made it sound easy... but I reckon it's probably one of the hardest jobs on a filmset. 

                                                                                     ADFM Class of 2018 NFTS - Graduation

I like dogs. This was an actresses BIG dog, on my desk

Clipped Clippings, Kindling Kindle... Don't go there

I bought a Kindle a couple of weeks ago. I have become a book reading fiend.
As an only child, I used to sit for hours reading and reading and reading... My room was piled high with books and I loved having a collection that I could read over and over again.
I stopped reading once I started racing. I don't know why. I didn't have the patience to sit and not think. My mind was constantly racing just like my job was.
Now that we have no choice but to be with ourselves, my Kindle is the best thing I've discovered. I've started reading again and finding out that my mind can race within a book again.
In particular, 2 books by author Adam Fletcher. "Don't Go There' and 'Don't Come Back'. These books have resonated with me massively, more than any other book has before. My thoughts about myself and travel have become almost obsessional over the past week.
It was due to these books that I found my blog again. I wished I had written all my thoughts and experiences down too.... and then realised today, that I had. I actually can't believe that I forgot.
Anyone who knows me well, will know that I have an interest in unusual things. Taking photographs of strangers possessions abandoned years ago, finding wartime buildings with memories left inside, having the desire to visit countries other people may choose not to acknowledge. (My ticket to Krakow got cancelled last month... but I'll be visiting Auschwitz as soon as I am allowed).
I've visited Cambodia, Berlin, Belgium, France, Wales.... and when asked what I did there, I haven't been able to name any tourist attractions... because I'm too busy in the middle of nowhere looking for the lost and forgotten. Except for Spaghetti Ice Cream in Germany of course....

I'm still in the process of working out why I like these places. Is it because I am lost? Why am I so intrigued to find out more about unusual events in history? What is this morbid fascination? Why do I photograph broken things?

Anyway, I found some interesting quotes I resonated with along my Kindling journey and thought I'd post them here:

"It’s easy to believe you made all the important decisions in your existence—where you live, whom you date, the job you do, your friends. Yet under closer scrutiny, isn’t it obvious only the small decisions, the A or B choices, are yours? The big things—class, personality, intelligence, appearance—the things that decide how good options A and B will be, they’re cards dealt at birth in a game you must play."
Don''t Come Back - Adam Fletcher

"Interculturality and travel are the best chances to stop that process; to challenge ourselves and our prejudices; to remain open, young, and relevant. To not think that our way is the right way, the normal way, the default way, and that everyone else—in funny, foreign places—is wrong and weird. If we do that, stay that open and flexible, we’ll never forget . . .” I paused, even though half the room could have finished the sentence for me. “How to fly.”"

Don''t Come Back - Adam Fletcher

"I reminded myself that this was the destination. The cave wouldn’t matter, would fade from my memory an hour after we’d left it. It was only the people, the stories, the journey, the uncertainty, and the potential of the next moment that counted. The destination was just the place you went last."
Don''t Come Back - Adam Fletcher

"I thought about how weird a human quirk it is that we consider whatever is exotic or mostly unachievable beautiful. So while we Europeans are heading out to the tanning salon to get darker skin and sweating our way round laps of the park to lose weight, there are Asian people covering their faces to keep their complexions white while the citizens of Ghana double down on fried chicken to try to stay un-trim. We just love to make it hard for ourselves. We are, in many ways, quite ridiculous..."
Don't Go There - Adam Fletcher

"That was what travel was for. The unfamiliarity of being where you don’t belong frees you from any expectations about how things there are supposed to work, and, in turn, how you will react to them."
Don't Go There - Adam Fletcher

"But life doesn’t wait till we are ready. More often than not, it throws us into the deep end and asks us to swim."
The Child of Auschwitz - Lily Graham

"But I have seen what people can do – what they can conquer, what they can survive – if they only will it so."

The Child of Auschwitz - Lily Graham

2020.....

OMG It's 2020.....

I started this blog in 2012.... and then forgot about it. 8 years has passed....
I remembered it because I've been reading a couple of books which brought up memories of things that I did, feelings that I had/have and wished I'd written them down... and today I realised that I did! This may be one of the best things I have ever discovered.

A lot has changed since 2012.

I no longer work in F1. I went back to school (National Film & Television School) in 2017 and decided I wanted to be an Assistant Director. More on this another time.

I now work on TV shows and films, although right now, I sit at home, eating, watching Netflix and reading books, because we are in lockdown due to a virus. For the past 9 weeks.

I need to get back into this.... It's been amazing to read what I wrote in the past.... what a weirdo I was then and still am.

...Looking at the settings of this blog... I found about 8 posts I had not published... between 2013 - 2017... I've published them now although I haven't read through them yet. Maybe that wasn't a good idea... oh well :)