My 3 lessons....

It's been a weird month. Since the last race I've got back into being based in the UK for a while and it feels like I've been back here for ages now. Feels like forever ago that I was in Hungary!

I've also learnt a few lessons. In life and technically!
I believe that you create your own destiny. If you want something, you have to go and get it. If you don't, or you choose the wrong actions, you only have yourself to blame. That goes for everything that's been going on in my life over the last month.
First thing I've learnt is never be fooled by perception. You can have a perception of something but actually it ends up being something totally the opposite. I have learnt that I am too quick to judge a book by it's cover and not get to know what's really inside, in this case, no words. I'll remember to look beyond the cover in future and reveal the true words!

Secondly I've been on a few training courses. One of which was an IT related one and the other being Photography. I loved the photography one. I finally got to learn what I'm actually doing rather than thinking I can dodge the manual and pick it up as I go along. 2 years of doing that and I eventually realised I needed some guidance! I'm not good with manuals. I'm too impatient to sit and read about it... I just want to do it!

Since doing the course I've been actively looking for things to photograph. And I've found that as soon as I've started to look, more things are jumping out :) I've still got a way to go before I'll be happy with my photographs but I'm hoping I'll get there soon enough.  I'm probably annoying everyone around me, constantly looking for something to take photos of, but everywhere I go, I see a frame for an awesome photograph. I have to practise until the day I can look at a scene and think "this is what I want it to look like", snap a pic and it looks exactly how I imagined it in my head.

Last weekend I went to London for the weekend, to get away for a bit and smile and laugh. It was awesome, and it worked :) Lots of smiles, dancing, chatting, chilling and a "few" drinks :) I actually made it a whole night in heels! What an achievement. haha The dirty chicken burger/kebab on the way home is never a good idea... why did I not remember this from my uni days!

My 3rd lesson was as I said in the beginning, to concentrate on my goals in life. Having had many thoughts over the last month about various things, I realised I need to be more proactive about what I want and what I don't. I need to stop wasting time on things that don't make me happy and make more time for the things that do! So, I'm now on a mission to continue taking lots of photos, see more of the world when I can and photograph it, surprise surprise, and see old and new friends more and have lots of fun times. The last few weeks has been awesome. I've met new people and caught up with the old.

I have found that over the last year, things that I haven't been happy about have led me to finding new things which do make me happy. I've been and explored new places, seen new things, eaten new foods and met lots of amazing people along the way and some, not so amazing!

So thank you to all the bad experiences and people/things that have caused them over the last year... without them, I wouldn't have experienced all the amazing things I've found because of them :)

Anyway enough of my babbling... my next stint of travelling starts again soon and it's going to be a long one. 4 countries in 5 weeks and the lack of my own bed for that long too. But, I get to go to some cool places and eat lots of nice food and fill up my suitcase with random Japanese sweets so it makes it worth it :) Being away from it for a while, makes me forget about the long hours, working in a garage full of boys and the constant pressure... but I'll keep living in dreamland until the day I have to go again! :)

Here's a couple of pictures I took last night of someone I work with, who is amazing with fire! :)

“I demolish my bridges behind me...then there is no choice but to move forward” 

Fridtjof Nansen

A picture tells a thousand words

I am SO excited.
I have just booked a photography course for the next two days to go and learn the basics of photography and then to go out and learn how to take better photographs. All in my favourite part of London, Southbank.
The photographs I have seen from the tutor are amazing and he seems to have the same style of photography that I want to be able to do.
I don't like taking normal photographs. I like taking photographs of unusual things, or not even unusual things, but what would normally be boring things but making them look interesting with different light, backgrounds or focuses. I don't like taking portrait photos of people looking directly at the camera. I prefer to catch them unaware as you capture real emotion that way. As soon as you say "Hey, look at me", peoples expressions change as they stare into your lens. Some embarrassed and not knowing where to look, wishing I would go away and others loving the lens and making all sorts of faces.

I've never been one to read a manual. Since buying a camera, I've been too impatient to sit and learn the technicalities of it. I prefer to learn by experimenting, which is what I have been doing for the past 2 years but recently I've had less and less time and my camera has been sat gathering dust.
I thank the various people who have tried to explain what the shutter speed and aperture etc are and how to calculate them... numbers and I do not mix well. But I appreciate the help and I did try to listen... it just didn't sink in. You all gave me lots of motivation to experiment though :)
I'm hoping now that I have a little time and a renewed motivation to try to capture a photograph without doing any post-processing, the next two days will further my knowledge so that I can finally understand what I'm doing and take a couple of pictures and get what I want instead of taking hundreds of pictures at lots of different settings.

What you can do with a flash amazes me. I am not interested in using a flash to light up my subject. I'm interested in learning how the flash can effect the subject and make different affects on objects/lighting/scenery.

I have a plan to take more random courses here and there, when I can, to try to learn as much as I can so that eventually, I can take a photograph and know exactly what I'm doing and capture the image and upload it without having to put it in Lightroom to "make it look better".

Anyone can be a photographer. I saw a photograph on Twitter which was a photograph used on the front page of a newspaper, taken by a spectator of the Olympics with his Iphone. I don't want to be just a photographer. I guess I want to be an artist. To create images that aren't like anyone elses' and that people wonder where and how I did it. It's going to take a long time but it's something I've wanted to do for a long time..and I'll get there eventually... hopefully... and yes, I know everyone says that... Personal goal. ;)
This leads me on to my question about Art. I have never understood Art. Who judges that a piece of Art is worth millions of pounds? I may like it, but you may not. So how can it be decided that one piece of art is different to another?

Anyway I better go to bed and wake up bright and early to get upto London to start my journey into the art world :)

Things that go bump in the night...

The last few weeks have been eventful.

I saw a quote on my friends facebook which was "One of life's hardest decisions is to decide whether to try harder or walk away". Very relevant in my thinking at the moment. And I think that if you have to make a conscious effort to try harder it means the sensible decision is to walk away. So onwards with my journey I go.

So... I went to see Woman in Black in the theatre yesterday. I was a bit sceptic as to whether a 2 man show would entertain me. I have a tendency to start thinking about other things and lose concentration if there's lots of talking and not much else going on. Especially with a play. I love musicals. If I had to start my life again I would continue to learn how to sing and dance and be trying hard to get on stage. I am in awe of anyone who has a natural talent to be able to sing, pick up an instrument and play what they like. I wish I could.

Anyway this play was amazing. At first I was wondering how 2 men on a stage could make reviewers say they were scared and jumped lots. It's a play in a play and the acting was awesome in the sense that they make the audience use their imagination, subconsciously, to set the scenes.

It wasn't as scary as I thought it would be, being a complete wimp when it comes to horror. When I was younger, I would watch horror films and be to scared to go up the stairs to go to bed and would be constantly on the look out for ghosts and zombies coming to get me. In a sense I guess I am still the wimp that I was. I can't watch a horror and be alone. Otherwise my imagination takes over and I scare myself.
I think it's ghosts that scare me... It's the fear of the unknown I guess.
In Japan, in August they have a festival called Obon, which is according to Wikipedia:

Obon (お盆?) or just Bon (盆?) is a Japanese Buddhist custom to honor the spirits of one's ancestors. This Buddhist-Confucian custom has evolved into a family reunion holiday during which people return to ancestral family places and visit and clean their ancestors' graves, and when the spirits of ancestors are supposed to revisit the household altars. It has been celebrated in Japan for more than 500 years and traditionally includes a dance, known as Bon-Odori.

If I was in Japan at this time, I would be scared and although I'd take part in the activities surrounding it, I would be constantly scared of what was actually going on. It didn't help that the leading 3 days to the festival they show constant ghost stories and horror on TV and horror in Japan is pretty scary. I once read a Japanese book which was a ghost story about a girl who read a ghost story and it happened that if you read the book, you would be cursed and would end up in the same situation. I finished the book and it told me that now I had read it, the same thing was going to happen to me. I spent the next few weeks petrified. Bearing in mind I was about 12, I think now that that was a bit harsh that a child's' book should make me feel like that!
I have a few strange fears, which I am petrified of but although I am scared I like to find out more. Ghosts are one of them. I hate the fear surrounding ghosts, but I'm interested in hearing ghost stories and seeing random photos of the so-called unknown etc... weird. Snakes is another thing. I hate snakes... and I couldn't have one of those things draped around me, but I could stand and watch them for hours, mesmerised.

My friend and I visited a theme park in Japan and one of the attractions was a ghost house. We made it in the first door and saw a woman with long black hair and white make up making her way very slowly against the wall, towards us. We stood in fear for about 5-10 minutes trying to go through the door into the house, but didn't make it. We ran out screaming which led the tiny Japanese girls behind us to follow us out, screaming. What a bunch of wimps.

Anyway, if you get a chance to see Woman in Black, it's worth a watch. :) I'd write more about it but then I'd be giving it away :)

Spaghetti ice cream and shiny things

My 2 races after a while off and I got back into things better than I thought I would! You seem to forget tiredness when away and just get on with it!
Since visiting Germany last month I've had an obsession with spaghetti ice cream. I vowed to find some in Hockenheim but failed.
Hockenheim was in the middle of nowhere. Our hotel had fields around it and a big SAP building, and thats about it. We walked into the local little town some evenings for food and the town was a new but old looking place. I wish I'd had my camera. Cobbled streets with wonky houses and a few restaurants here and there. The food was all really good and it was nice wandering around there and taking a walk back to the hotel.

After the race on Sunday we headed to Hungary the next morning and had the afternoon off. Our hotel was adjoined to a shopping mall so guess what I did l that afternoon... :) I found lots of shiny things which I couldn't resist buying. Bit of an obsession with jewellery at the moment. On a different note, check out Stephen Websters jewellery. Awesome! My current favourite!
Anyway the mall was a bit crazy. The top floors were all pretty normal but the basement was full of random bright coloured illuminous things. And the staff were all really friendly. I had one girl chat to me as if I were a long long friend and proceeded to show me a bruise on her leg from a boat trip last week... Ermmmm ok. Should have sent the boys down there, I'm sure they would have appreciated all the girls chatting more than I did!

That night we all had burgers and beer at the hotel to celebrate the fastest pitstop of 2.3 seconds.

Then it was back to building a garage again for the 2nd time in 2 weeks.

I've never had goulash before. To me, it sounded weird. But one of my friends told me to try it so I thought I'd better find some Hungarian food this week. We found a quaint little Hungarian restaurant with a pianist in the corner and walls covered in old newspapers and random things stuck to the wall. I loved the interior, will have to remember that as I'd like to decorate a room like that someday! I had venison goulash and were told to try a cheese paste thing for starters. It was all pretty good. I'm a bit fussy with meat and hadn't really had venison before but it was better than I expected. Still prefer beef though!
That night I found spaghetti ice cream. The guys I was with must have thought I was mental being so excited about some horrible looking plate of pasta that contained ice cream. Got them hooked on it too tho :) I can't remember if I mentioned it before but it's ice cream that looks like a bowl of pasta, but it's just spaghetti shaped ice cream with cream in the middle and strawberry sauce on top! Yum!!

The last two weeks has gone pretty quick in a way. I've had lots of nice dinners with some awesome people so I guess that made up for the amount of time we spent at work and to forget the tiredness!

I'm sad tho... As it was someone I got to know quite wells last race with us. I was looking forward to more random explorations with him... But hopefully I'll catch him and his wife around the UK instead soon! Will just have to find random places at home instead!

So the week went by and we won the race with Lewis taking pole in quali and winning! Woohoo!
A good way to finish before the break!
We packed up in a massive rain shower and a few of us looked like we just stepped out of the shower with our clothes on.
We finally got finished at about 12:30 and relieved, all went back to the hotel. I went to McDonald's and had the intention of going straight to bed. On my way back, I bumped into a couple of the mechs who were telling me about a random cool bar earlier in the day... And they managed to persuade me to run upstairs get changed and go out. I'm glad I did as the place was nuts! When K told me there were rabbits across the ceiling, a big eagle thing with big boobs and you can drink in someone's bathroom I thought he was joking! It was like being in a massive house with weird random decorations everywhere. I felt like we'd walked into a random house party and we didn't know anyone!

A shot and a couple of drinks (I'm a cheap date) later we stumbled back to the hotel for an hours sleep and then got on the plane home. I was glad to be home! Since stepping into my house I haven't yet moved and have watched about 5 films. Thank god for Netflix!

Looking forward to finding random things to do in the UK for the next 5 weeks :) my next race is Singapore so I've got a while of no travelling again!

50 shades of perception

So... you may or may not admit it... but you've read 50 shades of Grey. I've read 2 books and am on the 3rd, in the space of a week.

Mummy porn? Really? I've found myself skipping over the usual "oh... please" monotonous scenes and getting to the story. I'm intrigued as to how this perfect man became who he is, and that's what's taken my interest. Since studying Media studies at college, I was taught to over analyse everything. I watch a film and analyse why that scene is how it is, what the colours on the screen portray, what hidden meaning every movement or action takes... 

I started reading it, sickened at the thought of who he may be, wondering why everyone was saying they wanted a man like him. Really? You want to sign a contract and live in the red room?

But now, I realise why. The man in the story is everyone's ideal. As for everyone, your past and your experiences make up who you are. That's probably what makes this book so appealing. It's fun to get lost in a book, reading about an ideal, which is usually just an ideal. That's what fiction books are aren't they?, a way to distract yourself and live someone else's story.

It is intriguing as to how this book has become such a phenomenon. I don't think it's because of the simple reason everyone thinks. Is it because of how one woman can change her prospective interest from what she doesn't want to what she does want? Is it because of how strong one woman can be when challenged against love and her fears? Is it because of one perfect man and the idealistic attitude of wanting that perfect man?

I think there are people who perceive this book in many ways. People have expectations of what they hear about it. They pick up the book with a certain expectation and then realise that their expectations were wrong, thus leading them to think the book is rubbish, because it doesn't involve what they thought it was going to. 

I don't really understand why this book has got my attention either. The last few months, my head has been distracted to the point that I haven't been able to read a book. I stare at pages not taking in the words and find my thoughts drifting elsewhere. But now, I am glued. I thank the author for giving me a way to escape from my thoughts!

I don't see this book as being exceptionally different to others. I guess it is just an escape from reality, although reality is what you make it. 

Everyone has 50 shades.... it's those 50 shades which make you interesting and unique. 

Strangely, I read this book and can relate to the main character. I've got to know someone recently who reminds me of him, actually it's not recent... I've thought it for a few years... Not in the BDSM way, but a man who held my attention and acted like no-one else I've ever met. Someone I thought was the "perfect" man. But reality strikes and being "perfect" is impossible. Perfection is based on perception. Ones perception makes perfection.

I-Scream

And so here begins the last half of this season.
It's nice to get back into it after having a few weeks away from it. I've discovered that I really am not one for sitting in an office, for sure!

I went to Germany last weekend to visit my friend before all the travelling began again. Here, I discovered spaghetti ice cream. New obsession. They have a lot of ice cream shops in Germany, we don't have them so much over here. You can pop into an ice cream shop for a coffee and a sundae... I'd be huge if I lived out there. Anyway, this spaghetti ice cream, is a plate of ice cream, which looks like a plate of spaghetti but is really ice cream shaped like spaghetti with a fruit sauce over the top and cream hidden away in the middle, with white chocolate sprinkles to look like parmesan. yum. My mission next week, if we have any time, is to find this again!

I was in Spain until yesterday for a few days. It was quite nice to be away from all the rain in England and be able to sit on the beach in the evenings and listen to the sea! Even at night, it was still hot! Ate lots of tapas and managed to avoid all salami sandwiches that were fed to us!
I'm off to Germany again tommorow, this time for work... feels weird to have to unpack and pack again.

I am currently occupying myself with thinking about lots of future adventures! Thinking of where to go next. It must seem like I am always on holiday, but due to the amount of holiday I have, I have to keep taking it when I can so it doesn't all build up and end up losing it! Also, I need to explore the world while I can too and it's my mission, while doing this job, to visit as many places as I can.

I've been thinking about the missed opportunities I've mentioned in the past... And I've tried to fix those recently, but failed. But at least I don't have any regrets anymore :) I can now say that I haven't missed any opportunities and have no regrets, and will not have anymore!

Just a short one for now.... Got lots of chilling to do today :)
I'm going to go make an apple tea and smile at the certain memories I have in my head.

“I would rather trust a woman's instinct than a man's reason.” 

― Stanley Baldwin

Cycling down a road to nowhere...

So this is what normality is! I forgot for a while.
Since Canada I've worked normal hours. 8-5 mostly. You get evenings to do things, catch up with people, what an odd experience!! It's taken me a while to get used to. I'm used to working in a high pressure environment where things have to be done there and then, whatever time it is. I come back to normality where things are done at a normal pace and I find myself losing concentration. I've found it difficult working for 8 hours, sleeping for 8 hours and doing normal things. I still can't sleep. I'm constantly awake every few hours and it's driving me insane! I'm always tired!!!

Since buying a new bike in January, I used it once. But the last few weeks I've managed to cover about 70km. That's pretty good for me, who hasn't ridden a bike since buying one with the intention to cycle to uni on and letting it rust away while I got lazy and used my new found driving license and used it to the max!
I went out last week and went on an awesome ride around London. We managed to cover 25km, cycling around aimlessly from South Bank, to Billinsgsgate market to Tower bridge, even down Tottenham Court Road. Cycling down alleyways and side roads that I never knew existed and seeing parts of London that I want to explore further. I've managed to get 5 punctures over the last few weeks... but at least now I know how to fix one and I have much better tyres for the road now! :)

It's been nice to catch up with my friends that I have managed to catch up with once every so often in the few days that I'm usually back. It's nice to see them knowing that I'm not flying away again the next day and being able to chill and chat and not have to worry about anything! Also getting to know people who I never got the chance to see a lot before.

I feel like I'm stuck in a middle place at the moment. It's nice to have normality and a set routine, and a life, but then all the while, I've got used to the constant travelling, pressure and working with a load of boys! I'm not sure where my head is in all of this and yet again, I notice myself being irrational about the slightest things. Is it impatience or is it rational. Who knows. I'm still trying to work something in my life out and sometimes I wonder if I need to just let it go or continue working it out. No point in throwing away the last 5 months I guess, or is it 2 years. I'm still not sure how to work it out but I'm hoping it works itself out somehow.
I've got another week and a bit before I'm off on a plane again. I'm intrigued to see how my head is with travelling again and whether I find it easier now I've remembered what normality is, or if it's harder.

Someone on Twitter recently sent me a picture of myself in the 2011 McLaren photobook. HOW weird! It was quite a shock to look back 5 years and remember where I was, to now see myself over a centrefold of a book of where I wanted to be. Still seems like a massive whirlwind came along and I've been swept along without realising what's happening. It's been a difficult year but completely worth the experience of what I've learnt and experienced along the way. It's made me look at things very differently and every day I'm learning more and more about my job and myself. I am looking forward to getting back into the swing of things in Germany and Hungary and then making our way around Asia. Yay, I get to fill my suitcase up with sweets in Japan again and chill out in Singapore :)

I wonder where the next year will take me. Where I'm going to be this time next year. Not just in my job, as I'll probably be in a garage in Silverstone, but in life.

“If we can just let go and trust that things will work out they way they're supposed to, without trying to control the outcome, then we can begin to enjoy the moment more fully. The joy of the freedom it brings becomes more pleasurable than the experience itself.” 

― Goldie Hawn