Since Canada I've worked normal hours. 8-5 mostly. You get evenings to do things, catch up with people, what an odd experience!! It's taken me a while to get used to. I'm used to working in a high pressure environment where things have to be done there and then, whatever time it is. I come back to normality where things are done at a normal pace and I find myself losing concentration. I've found it difficult working for 8 hours, sleeping for 8 hours and doing normal things. I still can't sleep. I'm constantly awake every few hours and it's driving me insane! I'm always tired!!!
Since buying a new bike in January, I used it once. But the last few weeks I've managed to cover about 70km. That's pretty good for me, who hasn't ridden a bike since buying one with the intention to cycle to uni on and letting it rust away while I got lazy and used my new found driving license and used it to the max!
I went out last week and went on an awesome ride around London. We managed to cover 25km, cycling around aimlessly from South Bank, to Billinsgsgate market to Tower bridge, even down Tottenham Court Road. Cycling down alleyways and side roads that I never knew existed and seeing parts of London that I want to explore further. I've managed to get 5 punctures over the last few weeks... but at least now I know how to fix one and I have much better tyres for the road now! :)
It's been nice to catch up with my friends that I have managed to catch up with once every so often in the few days that I'm usually back. It's nice to see them knowing that I'm not flying away again the next day and being able to chill and chat and not have to worry about anything! Also getting to know people who I never got the chance to see a lot before.
I feel like I'm stuck in a middle place at the moment. It's nice to have normality and a set routine, and a life, but then all the while, I've got used to the constant travelling, pressure and working with a load of boys! I'm not sure where my head is in all of this and yet again, I notice myself being irrational about the slightest things. Is it impatience or is it rational. Who knows. I'm still trying to work something in my life out and sometimes I wonder if I need to just let it go or continue working it out. No point in throwing away the last 5 months I guess, or is it 2 years. I'm still not sure how to work it out but I'm hoping it works itself out somehow.
I've got another week and a bit before I'm off on a plane again. I'm intrigued to see how my head is with travelling again and whether I find it easier now I've remembered what normality is, or if it's harder.
Someone on Twitter recently sent me a picture of myself in the 2011 McLaren photobook. HOW weird! It was quite a shock to look back 5 years and remember where I was, to now see myself over a centrefold of a book of where I wanted to be. Still seems like a massive whirlwind came along and I've been swept along without realising what's happening. It's been a difficult year but completely worth the experience of what I've learnt and experienced along the way. It's made me look at things very differently and every day I'm learning more and more about my job and myself. I am looking forward to getting back into the swing of things in Germany and Hungary and then making our way around Asia. Yay, I get to fill my suitcase up with sweets in Japan again and chill out in Singapore :)
I wonder where the next year will take me. Where I'm going to be this time next year. Not just in my job, as I'll probably be in a garage in Silverstone, but in life.
“If we can just let go and trust that things will work out they way they're supposed to, without trying to control the outcome, then we can begin to enjoy the moment more fully. The joy of the freedom it brings becomes more pleasurable than the experience itself.”
― Goldie Hawn
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