Crisis over!

I have completed my shifts at Crisis for this year. I only did 3 but it was a great insight into another world. I intend to do it again next year.

I met some lovely people...I didn't expect to feel quite so sad to leave these guys, knowing I have a home to go to and they don't.

We did some more karaoke yesterday. We had a young volunteer with an amazing voice who started it up and a few of the guests came to join in. Even if they didn't know the song their improvisation skills were awesome! 

I wrote out some certificates for everyone who participated over the days I was there and I did not expect the response I got. I was expecting people to say "what's this? I don't want this rubbish"... But instead they treated their certificates like I'd given them gold. I did also give them gold coins, but they were unfortunately only chocolate! They were so proud to receive them. A few of them said they'd never received anything like it before and they were so happy. Another went round telling the others to get a plastic folder to put them in so they could keep it forever and show all their friends. I'm touched that a piece of paper could put such big smiles on their faces. I wrote them all personal messages on their certificates so I hope they take notice of what I said and realise they are amazing and can achieve anything they want. If they want to....

I was amazed to see how well our debate class, creative writing and drama lesson went. There's so much talent amongst these people. They just need to build some confidence to show it. One of the girls gave out a notebook as a prize for creative writing. The receiver treasured it and showed us the next day how proud he was of his new book and had already written poems into it. He says he is going to write his life story and experiences in it. I'd love to read that. 

I spoke to a lovely bubbly girl who was brought up just near me. She refused to ask for help. She thinks the government won't help her and she shouldn't get benefits. She sees the people around her on drugs and thinks they get all the help and is too scared to be housed as in the past it's only brought bad experiencesand she doesn't want to be led on the wrong path. She was so paranoid about everything. I guess living with a constant eye open makes you like that. Considering she said all this, you'd have never have guessed. She was a beautiful bubbly girl who I bet could achieve so much. 

I felt angry that she was such a lovely girl but wasn't getting any help, so I persuaded her to come with me to the advice office and get some help. Even if it was only for a little while, so she could fulfill her dream of getting a boat with her boyfriend. I hope they helped her somehow...and I hope this time next year the two of them are living happily on the river :) 

Some stories shocked me. I see so many people on benefits, with kids, buying xboxes, crack, wasting money, yet most of the people I spoke to who actually want to try, get nothing. I wish I understood how our government works. 

Saying goodbye was pretty hard. My usual act would be to avoid it and slip away silently. But this time I found each and every guest I'd talked to a lot and said goodbye and wished them well. It was so hard knowing they were all going to have to leave the next day and have nowhere to go... 

One told me it wasn't goodbye because he knew he was going to see me again someday. He was my karaoke king and resident DJ. He was awesome. 

I hope I do see them again... But I hope it's because we will be working together at Crisis next year. 

My mindset has changed. 

Who cares if I'm not perfect...I try... Although it's never good enough, maybe it is... 

I feel more confident. Why shouldn't I strike up conversation with random people and be myself. What is it about myself that I have to hide away... I'm me... I need to start realising who I am...

I'm sitting in Starbucks at Waterloo, writing this.... And I noticed a little girl watching me for a long time so I said hi. 5 mins later I had 2 little girls crowding me, asking me what I'm doing, where I'm going... 

I think their father was quite embarrassed.

I've never had that before. 

Told me her favourite Xmas present was toothpaste.... Random

Chris, David, Melvin, Nuala, Jay, Jess, Rob, Taylor, Isa and many others....I hope someday you read this or I see you again so that I can tell you all that you also helped me... Xx 

What a crisis!

It's Christmas... A time for giving and eating... In my eyes. I've eaten too much over the last year so I decided not to sit on my ass and stuff my face but to go and do something useful. 

So at 6:30am on Xmas morning I got in my car and drove to London Bridge to start my day as Entertainment Organiser for Crisis at Christmas. A centre for the homeless which opens all over London over the Xmas period. My friend told me about it a few years ago and I've wanted to take part for a while... I just never gave up my stuffing, sausage meat and gravy...until now.

So I arrived at the centre, completely out of my comfort zone, worried about what I'd volunteered to do. I'm not exactly the most confident of people...so facing a load of new people and having to entertain people who don't have homes to go to... How do I do that?!!! With my scintillating conversation and outgoing bubbly personality...ermmm I think not. 

One of the reasons I wanted to do this is because of the above. Challenging myself to do something I'm not comfortable with is only going to help me.... So being forced to randomly talk to people I'd never thought to talk to before, striking up conversations with people from all walks of life was challenging but a great eye opener. 

So....my first hour consisted of being daunted. If that's not a real word, it is now. Taking in what was going on around me.... People hanging around, watching TV, sitting, pondering, staring, talking.... I stood on the sideline for a bit and watched. My thoughts were "how am I going to entertain these people".... I had no idea what so ever. But hang on, before that, I'm going to have to engage with them to get them to come with me to be entertained... That means going over and speaking...about what... Totally out of my comfort zone .... Totally. 

Thankfully there was another volunteer who knew what she was doing. She told me how things work there and I realised I've got to stop sitting on the sideline and do something... So I started making posters to show what activities we had planned for the day. A volunteer singer/guitarist, Bingo, Jewellery making and Karaoke. Sitting making the posters a few passers by stopped to see what we were doing. "Are you creative? Come and help me!" I said, and from then on my comfort zone barrier slipped away as guests helped to make posters and chatted. These people may be homeless but why am I so intimidated. They are a human being just like me. No different. I realised, although I don't judge, I was intimidated by people, stereotyping homeless, to what I've experienced before. Usually drunk people hanging around in groups, sometimes shouting out. But so what. Everyone has a right to express their opinion. It may not be right but who cares. As long as you're not hurting someone. You know what, today on my 2nd shift. I was one of the group. I sat outside in a circle with 5 homeless guests, chatting...and realised, I'm sitting in a group that I was once intimidated by. I imagined seeing myself if I walked past, in that situation. I never thought I would see that. My stereotype or rather my intimidation was wrong. I sat with 5 others today, having a laugh, finding out about the past and present, arranging to do karaoke together...just like anyone else would. What a strange situation to find myself in. I got nicknamed "eyes" because I have 'Chinese' eyes and got hugged for chatting and having normal conversation. 

I can't really describe my thoughts right now as it's still processing. Once I've finished my shifts I'll try to put my thoughts into words...

The rest of the days went on with organising activities/entertainment for the guests. In the food area, we started karaoke. The guests watched us dubiously at first. And there's me, who won't sing in front of anyone, draw attention to myself at any cost...singing and dancing to try to get the guys up with us. 

A few of the guys edged toward us, sitting in front of us singing quietly under their breaths. So I handed them the mic... "Nooooo" they protested. Clutching the mics, 10 mins later their lovely voices got louder. 20 mins later they were standing up. 30 mins later we had 4 guests singing and dancing. It was so lovely to see smiles on their faces, enjoying themselves. I stepped away at one point and watched from afar. My thoughts were lost with emotion. I wish I could do something to give these guys better lives. To have a home to go to and make something of their lives. Which I, and they, know they can. 

I made my karaoke star an origami balloon today with "X the Karaoke king" written on it. I was happy to see he sat with it in front of him for most of the day :) Tomorrow I'm going to find him for a duet of Angels.

I'm tired now... I have one more shift tomorrow and although at times I've been dubious about going to Crisis, I'll miss seeing some of the great people I've met. I'd love to know how they all get on and hope Crisis helped them to see that they are amazing people just like everyone else and they CAN do anything they want....

I'll write more when my last shifts done... Hopefully before my next shift next Xmas :)